I'm feeling sinister

I just had a very frustrating junior review. I was scheduled to be with two professors: my advisor, who is also my photo teacher, and the art ed director. Guess who pooped out at the last minute. So yes, I heard the same things that I hear in crits every fricking class, and to make it even more awesome, I had to inform my advisor about the academic requirements of my major. Yes, people, I know more about advising than my advisor does.

I was also not allowed to give my own ideas of what my final project for photo class will be. She was leafing through my photographs, and saying, "I think these would be best in a book." She goes on to describe this hypothetical book, which seems to be growing more tangible by the second, and finishes by saying, "Yeah, I think that idea is the best one." The conversation about my project was completely one-sided. Please remember that it is my project that was being "discussed."

I feel more and more every day that I am in the wrong major. I don't think I want to make art. When I tried to explain my philosophy, I was told, very snippily, "well, we are in an art department, you retard." Ok, she didn't say retard, exactly.

If I were just getting out of high school now, or had only done a year or two of college, I think I would major in photojournalism, with maybe some extra graphic design. When I am happy in making pictures, it is when I am recording what I see, the interesting things that maybe others notice, but don't perhaps pay attention to. Telling me that most of my photographs could have been made by anyone is obviously meant to discourage me, but it doesn't.

There just isn't a major called "Making Things" or "Craft, But Not The Granny Plastic Canvas Type, Though That Is Fun In A Kitchy Hipster Kinda Way, I Mean The Craftsmanship Way." Those things do not exist. I am trying to do the best with what I have available to me.

I don't know what to do with all of this except try to survive and finish.